WHAT THE EVERLOVIN FUCK...

...am i doing up at 4 in the morning?      oh yeah I remember now... welcome to my first blog post.

i would like to explore that question at great length. there so many directions to go...so many different layers...like the word dude or fuck for that matter.

i am trying to figure out where to begin. my life has been a shitshow for the last two years.  i dont wanto seem negative but it hasn't ever been anything great,just sayin.t  but i am in a transitional phase. its fucked up still but im pretty sure that is just how it is supposed to go for me. i have no clue where this is going to go or who is going to be seeing this.  i dont know anybody that reads blogs, or at least i have never explored that path in conversation with anyone.well i suppose it is only fitting that i start this the same way i did my podcast. zero discipline and zero structure. i am going to be doing something about that shit too. i love my show but it has required a bit more attention and planning. i wanna be legit not half assed. the only thing i have gone whole ass with in my life has been doin shit half assed. i lacked the necessary ambition till now. yes i have made discoveries over the last two years. mostly though the last two months since that fucking lying whore fucked me all the way up. i mean all the fucking way up. thats why i had to consider who might look at this cuz my people are tired of hearing about  that shit. but fuck that. i do not know a single person in 47 years that had a bitch fuck them up as bad as this mother fucker did me. its gonna take a bit longer. but i am hoping that with the discoveries i have made strides to alter the course of action that i want to take  and i catch a break and find a small degree of success that will curtail my rage induced intentions and help to distract me from what a cunt she was. im not getting my hopes up too much but im making strides. i am not used to having ambition. it feels kinda good. i just need to learn to get my shit or ducks in a row because i got a bunch of things started but i get distracted easily so theres loose ends flapping in the breeze. im a little add  i suppose everybody is so im not bitchin but i hate loose ends. jenny the asshole i keep mentioning is a monumental loose end. one that will never get wrapped up though. that situation is such a mindfuck for me. impissed at the realization that when you call a lying whore a lying whore it doesnt really bother them that much because she has ALWAYS been a lying whore and likes it so much that she keeps doing it. i gotta get creative here. but at least i am doing my part to spread the word about the lying whore. dude im not talking about a little fib. the scope of her scumbag ways ranks up there in the pathological maniac altitudes. a team of shrinks could make a documentary...no a docuSERIES about this asshole. my problem is that loose ends thing again. because i am missing vital pieces to the puzzle...a shitload of vital pieces i am humiliated...that leads to relatively negative outcomes for all involved...oh well fuck her. i gotta go to sleep. thanks for reading my first offering! definately gonna  be doing this as often as i can if i remember that i have a blog. i forgot about my show for the longest time...i hope someone actually reads this so they can keep reminding me to do a show...in the words of the immortal tigger ...TTFN