Jury Doody

  I don't mind telling you that, on almost one occasion, my fairness has been spoken of. 

  Plus, more often than not, folks recognize my impartiality too.

  Guilty as charged?!? Hell no!! Not until ALL the evidence has been exculpated and dessicated for the ladies and gentlemen of the jury.

  I have Jury Doody in the morning.

 These qualities are why I am a highly sought after on the mock trial circuit.

 Im kind of a expert.

   I simply refuse to render a verdict until I have constaplated and examinated the perposterous of evidence from all angles.

  I got a good pokerface too. 

 Those schiesters are eyeballin me the whole time I'm cogitating and considerating. 

  Not to toot my own chicken, but I hold the all time record for deliberating the longest. 

  They don't give out trophy's or recognize it at all, but I can see the admiration in thier faces whenever I walk in that artificially judicial courtroom...which is really a conference room at the Best Western but they fabricate a bench and jury box out of milk crates and cardboard. 

  A pretty fair show of improvisating goes on during those tense moments in front of "The Honor". 

  It's just Bill, who owns the "Dew Fall Inn", but if you can get past that time he forgot to order the Miller Highlife not too recently,  you could observe he has a knack for magistrating.  

That explains alot because to be a bartender a good measure of diplomitating goes on.   When you have a pair of inebriated fellas that are disgruntilated and generally down in the mouth even on better days irregardless, it helps to have gob for gab, I would think.

 This one time, (no dammit not at fat camp when that girl put a hambone in her pussy) there was this dude that was a total stranger. That cat was so amazed by how good I am at undulating and articulating with my vocabulary.

That fella was plum turning red with apoplectic astonishment...I have not seen anyone gesticutating and oscillating all over the place like that to this day.

Shit, I really am a humble guy. 

  I hate to seem like a malarky peddler. But on account of I use a bunch of 50 cent words, sometimes I get some animosity and viscosity from some dudes.

Haters are gonna hate . That shits on them, you know. 

I don't spend my evenings matriculating over it when I need to be slumbernating. 

  You totally wouldn't believe me if I told you I am always tolerating a pretty substantiated case of stagefright out there.

 Last time I felt the hebrew jeebies was that first time I got bestoved with the honors of being foreman. 

Bein pretty observant they could sense my tribulation. When they stripped me of the title the allevitation was a liberation I can tell you that much. 

Plus they are a bunch of nerve wracking sons a bitches anyway. Its worse than playing with my sisters kids on some occasions.

Thats kinda why Im supplicating myself  by writing it out. It calms my nerves. 

Well, I am hoping for somehing exciting today. Some good old fashioned tort law

would really cheer me up.